January 1, 2010


I can't decide if I'm excited about or dreading this new year. I know it sounds horrible, but when that giant ball dropped in NYC and I saw people crying and kissing and dancing and I fully realized it was 2010, I almost started crying. Not happy tears. But "oh-crap-it's-really-here-and-I-don't-know-if-I-like-where-my-life-is-going" tears. Last New Year's I was in the Bahamas, and I was so optimistic about my life (of course, it's hard to be upset when you're in the Bahamas). But seriously, I couldn't wait for my future to start. 2009 meant lots of great things for me: graduating high school, getting a car, 2 Europe trips, and starting college. And everything went perfectly well...except for the tiny part about college. I used to feel 100% certain I was in the right place for me, and I was going in the right direction. Well the past few months have been nothing but certain...always in the back of my mind, there's this cloud. This cloud of worry, of second guessing. I don't like NAU as much as I was hoping. I hear about all my friends enjoying college and I think, Well, hey! That should be me too. This is supposed to be the time of my life! And day-to-day, it really is. I love being independent, and having fun. Being able to do whatever I want. But big picture, I'm just not feeling it. I almost envy those boys...or even girls...that grow up knowing EXACTLY what they want in life--professional athlete. And that's all they focus on, because that's all they want to do. They couldn't possibly fathom doing anything else with their lives. But me...I can sit here and think of hundreds of things that sound appealing. I could be Chef Olivia, a renowned pastry chef, the White House Press Secretary, a journalist, a government teacher, a ballerina, an author, the President, director of the CIA, forensic scientist, sports broadcaster...I could go on and on. And yeah, when you're thinking about it, it sounds fantastic. I truly have the abilities and opportunities to do any of these things. And I am thankful for that every day. But when it comes right down to the heck do you make that decision? And out of the hundreds and hundreds of schools to attend to get the education to accomplish this, which one do you pick? Which one is best? And if you're not happy where you are, is that because it's the wrong place? Or do you just need to change your perspective? How do you truly know? I guess the only thing we can do is hope.
"Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that ye may abound in hope." Romans 15:13

"For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory." 2 Corinthians 4:17


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