Operation New Girl

Commencing November 1, 2011

Confession time here. The past few months have been bad. Really bad. 

This summer changed me. Not in a good way.

But tomorrow's November. And I'm changing a few things. Here they are:

1. Start a consistent exercise program. Two things. I feel so much better when I am able to take the time to work out and to relieve a little stress. Also, I graduate in 13 months. I would love to be able to climb Humphreys, the highest mountain in Arizona, by the time I graduate. What better motivation, besides self-improvement, than to be able to say I climbed Humphreys? So I'm working out six days a week in a rotation, 2 days gym, 1 day yoga, rinse and repeat.  :) I'm going to take Sundays off. 
2. Eat healthy. I would love to say "stop eating" but I know I would get in trouble for that. Honestly, I eat really healthy as a general rule. I just eat too much. So no more bad sugar (after I finish this lollipop) and no more bad carbs. It's on.
3. Stop spending. The next few months will constitute a self-imposed spending freeze. Obviously there are necessities like food and shampoo, and Christmas gifts coming soon, but I am not allowing myself to buy anything unnecessary. I really need to get some finances in order.
4. Get over it. Yes, he broke my heart. Sometimes I still feel like I'm all tied up in knots. Sometimes I'm still not sure I can take it. But I'm through talking about it. 

Yes, there are a few smaller goals (weight loss, feeling healthier, climbing Humphreys). But the overall goal? Be a better person than I was before. Before him.

I won't let this beat me.

"Forgiving does not erase the bitter past. A healed memory is not a deleted memory. Instead what we cannot forget creates a new way to remember. We change the memory of our past into a hope for our future."  -Lewis B. Smedes

"We cannot change our memories, but we can change their meaning and the power they have over us."  -David Seamands

"Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. I miss you like hell."  -Edna St. Vincent Millay

"I thought when love for you died, I should die.

It's dead. Alone, most strangely, I live on."  -Rupert Brooke

My apologies to Paul, John, George & Ringo. (Paul, I will love you forever).

But you're wrong.

"All you need is love?" That's a lie.

I will, before I say anymore, admit that yes, if we all had more love for each other, the world would be a better place. But to say that it would solve all the world's problems.......well that's just naive.

And in relationships--that's even more naive. Love just isn't enough. You need so much more. You need similar values, ethics, ideals. You need to want the same things. You need communication.

You need two people, willing to work as much as they have to.

So I'm sorry, John. You know I admire you. Sometimes I "imagine all the people living life in peace." I'm sorry too, Paul. Sometimes I feel like Eleanor Rigby.

But I have to respectfully disagree with you two on this one.




"And it stings when it's nobody's fault
Cause there's nothing to blame at the drop of your name
It's only the air you took and the breath you left"