March 17, 2010

The Good Old Days

I was talking to my brother the other day (which, let me tell you, is noteworthy in itself. Since sometimes I forget I have a brother because I NEVER see him). I was asking him stuff about school and his life, and he said, "Why do you want to know all this? Want to go back to your good old days?" I told him, "Heck no! I  didn't like high school while I was in high school. And I never had 'good old days.'" I meant that sort of as a joke, until I realized it was true. I never really had "good old days." A lot of people can look back on their lives and pinpoint a time when everything was easy, when everything was going well, and when they were perfectly happy and carefree. Well...I can't. The first few years of elementary school were great, but once I hit 3rd grade it was rough. Junior high was just horrific. Seriously. That was such an awkward and difficult time--and when I finally was excited about something, it just was a heartbreak (the boy I had a crush on, an 8th grader!, told me he liked me and wanted to "go out" with me. Until he found out I was Mormon. Which has become a trend in my life. But that's a story for another time.) That doesn't seem like a huge deal now, but it was then. My parents divorced, and I struggled with depression and health problems that no one could seem to figure out. I wasn't sure about my testimony. Frankly, I wasn't sure about much of anything. And in high school, I was still sick and still fat. Senior year it finally started to get better. But I still can't say high school was the "good old days."

So that's a little sad and kind of depressing. But I have decided to make college, now, my life NOW, the "good old days." Everything is slowly getting better. I'm 40 pounds lighter (and counting) and seem to be feeling better on most days. I am enjoying learning at a higher level and enjoying my independence. I am loving institute and my ward, and I am finally strengthening my testimony. Eventually I will realize the purpose of my crazy and somewhat difficult life, and I know that it has made it possible for me to flourish right now, at a time when so many I know are starting to lose their way. So...I am going to make these days, right NOW, the time that I look back on with happiness and gratitude.


Tyler and Allie said...

love you :]

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