listen, bucko.

I have intrinsic worth. Independent of what you think about me.

Those words? Verbatim from my bishop. Who rocks, by the way. The past few weeks have been like light bulbs of inspiration for me.

I am gaining a greater understanding of the Atonement. Of what our Savior did for us.

The last step of the repentance process is always restitution. But what happens if I cannot restore what I lost?  That question has plagued me for weeks, months even.

But I found my answer:  "Healing the wound you cannot heal, fixing that which you broke and you cannot fix is the very purpose of the atonement. When your desire is firm and you are willing to pay the uttermost farthing, your obligation is transferred to the Lord. He will settle your accounts." -President Boyd K. Packer, "The Brilliant Morning of Forgiveness"

I have done all that I can do. I have removed all reminders of that time from my life. I can truly say that I feel better. I feel free.

So the next steps?

"The Lord is intent on your personal growth and development. Your progress is greatly accelerated when you willingly allow Him to lead you through every growth experience you encounter."

Listen, bucko. I have intrinsic worth. Independent of what you think about me.