I read an article the other day about our faults. We all have them. Some of us are just better at acknowledging them and examining them better than others.

And right now, I'm sure thinking a lot about one of my faults. It's a pretty big one. It's gotten me into trouble before. Emotional trouble.

I trust. I can't help it. I trust easily. Despite everything that's happened in my life, I always see the best in people. It takes a lot for me to dislike someone, to find faults in them. Because, unfailingly, I look for the positives. I trust them. I turn a blind eye to everything hurtful, everything questionable. I can't help it. I can't stop trusting.

And I get hurt. Often. Because I let my guard down. Often. I tell someone something, personal, about my past, or about my feelings, and they take advantage of it. They stomp on it. They cut it into tiny pieces and throw it in the dumpster, along with my heart. I don't have time to recover.

But yet I still can't stop. I continue making friends, I continue talking. Sharing. Searching, hoping. I continue loving.

And the non-twisted, perfectly lovely, current celebrity crush....

Those silly, silly women that say hair matters are sorely mistaken.

Twisted List...

My friend's mom has what she calls a "Twisted List." In other words, men she thinks are oddly attractive. Weird, strange men that are somehow attractive. And Bonnee and I have been thinking about ours for awhile, we were so intrigued by the idea.

Here's mine. (Don't judge. That's the purpose of a Twisted List, it's supposed to be weird...):

1. William Fichtner
2. Alan Rickman
3. Steve Carell
4. Edward Norton
5. Jay-Z

This is for Sarah. She wanted to see the other Annie Leibovitz photo I shot.  :)

 Annie Leibovitz Original

 My shot. 

My roommate Bonnee is the model :)

Photography!!

So I just turned in my midterm for PHO 181. Our assignment was to pick a photographer, research for a paper, and shoot 2 photos imitating our favorites. I am SO proud of the way mine turned out, particularly this one:

 Annie Leibovitz original

My shot. Thanks to Tori for modeling and helping me with Photoshop!

This assignment was pretty difficult for me. I would have loved to have been able to just mimic the style of Annie Leibovitz but using my own ideas. Because trust me, I had a ton of fantastic ideas. But I am so proud of this one. It's different enough that I didn't copy, but there's still so much of Annie Leibovitz's style & colors in it. 

Seriously, though. This project made me love Annie Leibovitz even more. And I thought that wasn't possible. Here's some of my favorites:

My home teacher came over today. And I have to say, I was really inspired! There's a few things that really got me thinking, and motivated me to be a little better.

This part was really a wake-up call for me. "You cannot be passive in life, or in time the natural man will undermine your efforts to live worthily. You become what you do and what you think about." (Richard G. SCott) So...I've never really done anything bad in my life. Mom, don't worry. I'm still not doing anything bad. But I have become a little passive, a little apathetic in the past few weeks. Physically I have NOT been feeling well, so after homework, sleep has been a huge priority. Somehow scripture reading has kind of been put on the back-burner. But I KNOW that this is true--it's so easy to trick yourself into thinking you're doing okay. You think, Oh I'm going to institute. I'm going to church. I'm still saying my prayers. But that's not really enough, because I have noticed in the past few weeks how much easier it is for the bad things to get to me. So! That motivated me, and I'm going to start my routine again, and stop making excuses. :)

One more thing: "With even your strongest faith, God will not always reward you immediately according to your desires. Rather, God will respond with what in His eternal plan is best for you, when it will yield the greatest advantage." This basically shut up those obnoxious thoughts in my head. I'm SO stubborn, and too often I let logic get in the way of things. I've been so frustrated, upset, and sad because what I have been praying for hasn't happened yet. After years. And it's difficult to see everyone else getting what I have prayed for and wanted for a long time. But there's someone up there who knows better than I do.

the manifesto of encouragement

right now:

There are Tibetan Buddhist monks in a temple in the Himalayas endlessly reciting mantras for the cessation of your suffering and for the flourishing of your happiness.

Someone you haven't met yet is already dreaming of adoring you.

Someone is writing a book that you will read in the next two years that will change how you look at life.

Nuns in the Alps are in endless vigil, praying for the Holy Spirit to alight the hearts of all of God's children.

A farmer is looking at his organic crops and whispering, "nourish them."

Someone wants to kiss you, to hold you, to make tea for you. Someone is willing to lend you money, wants to know what your favourite food is, and treat you to a movie. Someone in your orbit has something immensely valuable to give you -- for free.

Something is being invented this year that will change how your generation lives, communicates, heals and passes on.

The next great song is being rehearsed.

Thousands of people are in yoga classes right now intentionally sending light out from their heart chakras and wrapping it around the earth.

Millions of children are assuming that everything is amazing and will always be that way.

Someone is in profound pain, and a few months from now, they'll be thriving like never before. They just can't see it from where they're at.

Someone who is craving to be partnered, to be acknowledged, to ARRIVE, will get precisely what they want -- and even more. And because that gift will be so fantastical in it's reach and sweetness, it will quite magically alter their memory of angsty longing and render it all "So worth the wait."

Someone has recently cracked open their joyous, genuine nature because they did the hard work of hauling years of oppression off of their psyche -- this luminous juju is floating in the ether, and is accessible to you.

Someone just this second wished for world peace, in earnest.

Someone is fighting the fight so that you don't have to.

Some civil servant is making sure that you get your mail, and your garbage is picked up, that the trains are running on time, and that you are generally safe.Someone is dedicating their days to protecting your civil liberties and clean drinking water.

Someone is regaining their sanity. Someone is coming back from the dead. Someone is genuinely forgiving the seemingly unforgivable. Someone is curing the incurable.

You. Me. Some. One. Now.